Saturday, November 24, 2007
Who Am I?
Gluwater (one of my travel companions on the preshoot this fall) sent me this photo that he took: me shooting sunrise at Waterton. This photo really draws me in to it, despite it's elegant simplicity, because it takes me to a moment where I was just me.
So what do I mean by that? Well, I guess I am many things to many people: wife, mother, daughter, employee, soccer mom, volunteer. Not to mention things I have been (PMS Bitch from Hell was how some former employees referred to me).
But in this photo I am just me - alone, with only my own thoughts and expectations to deal with. Able to set my own timelines, leave when I want, linger if I like. Meet my own deadlines, push my own limits, rise to the challenge, crash and fail, dependant only on me and the choices I make, affecting only me.
Clearly there is great importance in being all of those other things, and in fact, those other things make me who I am. They keep me grounded and balanced, bring me joy and heartbreak, allow me to be successful on other peoples terms, to be measured by social measuring sticks.
Life is about balancing the inner and outer self.
This was driven home for me yesterday when I stopped to help a motorist who was having car troubles. Many things had gone wrong for this person both with respect to the car trouble, and as it turns out, to life overall. She was struggling financially, emotionally and with her health. For whatever reason, she had lost that balance. She gave me reason to be thankful for what I have, where I've been and where I am going.
And, I think she also pointed out the importance of not escaping to that isolated place in the photo - to know it is there and can be had, but to realize that who I am is really a sum of the interactions of each individual piece - wife, mother, daughter, employee, photographer - each of them add to the whole.