Saturday, September 17, 2011

On the eve of my 49th birthday

I'm feeling a bit reflective, I guess. Thinking about 'where I am at' and I'm pretty satisfied overall. I have accepted many things, such as not being a world class researcher with a life altering discovery, not being ridiculously wealthy, not maintaining that youthful figure I once had! I know that even though, at the moment I have a figure to rival 'Mama Rosa', a generously proportioned grandmother figure from my child hood, I have the power to change that, if not the will. Despite that, I still 'clean up quite nicely' and have been known to rock some great shoes!

I am pretty content with who I am and what I'm doing. I have a great job that I know I'm good at. I have a great husband, friend and life partner. I don't really have concerns about what 'we'll do' once the kids leave. I can think of a billion things to fill our days!

There is one thing, though, that I spend time worrying about. As I am about to release three young adults into the world, I just can't keep from thinking that my 'job' as parent is incomplete. They aren't ready; the world isn't ready for them. I don't think I've had any real influence over their actions, other than funding them, for several years already. I'm not sure how to or if that can be changed. I also really don't know what should have been done differently. I think I made good parenting decisions most of the time. I wanted them to think for themself, to be risk takers and decision makers. I was not a helicopter parent, never did their homework, was not in their teachers face. Now that they share their decisions with me I am just not sure! I suppose, as my dad is fond of saying, 'Only Time Will Tell'.

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