Who Am I?

Gluwater (one of my travel companions on the preshoot this fall) sent me this photo that he took: me shooting sunrise at Waterton. This photo really draws me in to it, despite it's elegant simplicity, because it takes me to a moment where I was just me.
So what do I mean by that? Well, I guess I am many things to many people: wife, mother, daughter, employee, soccer mom, volunteer. Not to mention things I have been (PMS Bitch from Hell was how some former employees referred to me).
But in this photo I am just me - alone, with only my own thoughts and expectations to deal with. Able to set my own timelines, leave when I want, linger if I like. Meet my own deadlines, push my own limits, rise to the challenge, crash and fail, dependant only on me and the choices I make, affecting only me.
Clearly there is great importance in being all of those other things, and in fact, those other things make me who I am. They keep me grounded and balanced, bring me joy and heartbreak, allow me to be successful on other peoples terms, to be measured by social measuring sticks.
Life is about balancing the inner and outer self.

This was driven home for me yesterday when I stopped to help a motorist who was having car troubles. Many things had gone wrong for this person both with respect to the car trouble, and as it turns out, to life overall. She was struggling financially, emotionally and with her health. For whatever reason, she had lost that balance. She gave me reason to be thankful for what I have, where I've been and where I am going.

And, I think she also pointed out the importance of not escaping to that isolated place in the photo - to know it is there and can be had, but to realize that who I am is really a sum of the interactions of each individual piece - wife, mother, daughter, employee, photographer - each of them add to the whole.

What's Your Value Add?

I've been working on a few things lately - a project at work that has me thinking about 'value added' price models and other business things. I've also been helping out with Alex's team fundraising. This isn't my first foray into fundaraising. It isn't my first volunteering either. In fact, i first volunteered in Junior High, at the Canadian Handicapped Games (okay, I actually don't remember the true name of the event), and have continued to volunteer my entire life. When we first moved to Brookview, it seemed a good way to meet neighbors. As we owned our own business, volunteering also gave us a means of having peers and even friends. I have been worker bee through to President of a wide variety of different organizations. I do this because I enjoy the people I meet and the feeling of pride at giving back. One thing that has become very clear over the years is that there are always people willing to debate and argue points but very few willing to put their money (time) where their mouth is. As well, it is impossible to achieve consensus, and thus seeking opinions often leads to more work than value. I have the experience to know how to get things done, the willingness to take on the task and a pretty no nonesense approach to these things now. I don't really need the headaches that volunteering brings - the arguements and the disagreement, the lack of appreciation. So why do it? Well, I think it all comes down to the question 'what is your value add?': what is it that you (I) contribute to this world?

Farewell to the smartie room

Katie's room was the first room painted when we bought this house. She was about 10, IIRC, and picked bright blue and bright purple - 2 walls each. It was a great color combination, and it really was the color of blue and purple smarties.
I've just finished putting the first coat of primer on her walls. She has picked a new, more refined color scheme. I am pleased though, that she has no fear of color. She will have 3 walls in a nice soft creamy peachy color, and a wall in quite a bright orange. She is basing her color scheme on the duvet cover that she picked at IKEA - it is orange and red. So orange will be her wall color and red her accents and perhaps her couch color. This will all coordinate nicely with her IKEA wardrobe with mirror doors, and IKEA headboard/shelving unit. It will transform her room from a kids room to a young ladies room.

And really, that's the point of this post. My babies are growing up.They are all teenagers now, are all as tall or taller than me now, are independant and more or less responsible young people. This brings us closer to the independance of empty nesters, although we still have 41/2 more years here at a minimum. It is a bittersweet kind of feeling - pride at getting them this far along, worry about the remaining years when the dangers are clearly greater than they have been before, and missing those adorable moments from years gone by.

Bringing us up to date...

Well, as I wrote yesterday, there have been many exciting things going on in our lives these past few months.

From September 18 until Oct. 3, I was away from home on a photo journey through the Canadian Rockies, ending in Glacier when we met 47 other photographers for the Dgrin shootout. There were 4 of us on the preshootout: Skippy, Phyxius, Gluwater and I. We are detailing the trip in a thread on Dgrin, though it is taking quite a while for each of us to contribute.....This was an immense amount of fun, and I definitely learned alot. I am reediting some photos, and creating panos like crazy with the new computer and PSCS3. Learning new skills and pushing beyond the routine I had established is a good thing, and should keep me sharp for a while.

Colin was home for a week from Sept. 30 to Oct. 6. He has returned to Leverkusen, and seems to be doing well. He is taking the soccer seriously, and understands that this is the point of being there.

Alex's team is planning a trip to Germany for spring break. Plenty of fundraising to do between now and then. I am torn between sitting back and letting others do their thing, and jumping in with my past experiences to draw on.

The crescent homeowners formed a homeowners association this fall, to facilitate the possible installation of city services to our homes. Somehow I have ended up as VP.

And I tried to quit my job! I had another job all lined up - one that would allow a more flexible schedule and the ability to be immersed in the photography community. One I am pretty sure I would have enjoyed a great deal. However, when I discussed this with the bosses at ML, they suggested that I take a promotion there instead - more challenge, more decision making stroke, and of course more money. This was a really tough decision for me - I was being given the opportunity to infuence the things at ML that were frustrating me and causing me to be dissatisfied. I was also being given the opportunity to work in a community of photography lovers, and this would have let me grow my photography skills and business. In the end, I chose to stay at ML and accepted the challenge of trying to make positive change to the business.

Latest To(-y-)ol

I have joined the Mac world!
After months of disgruntlement with Vista, more than months of disgruntlement with the shared computer/monitor with the family (constant battle against fingerprints, sticky keyboards, and access) and a recent change to financials, I have purchased an iMac plus a second monitor. I am sitting at my treasured oak antique desk, with a 20" and a 23" monitor in front of me. these are both really lovely displays and I cannot wait to try editing photos on them. I purchased PSS3 as well, since PSP is not available for macs. Tomorrows task will be installing it, moving some photo files over here and having a go.

I do not intend to put any microsoft programs on here. I still have access to the family PC, the dh's laptop, and of course the windows box at work. This will be strictly for me and my photos.

I am about half way through the photos from the dgrin preshoot and shootout. I have many 'panorama's' to stitch together. One driving impetus for the switch to PSCS3 was the new photomerge, reported to be wonderful. My stitching program, Panorama Factory, is still in purgatory on the infected harddrive. I would rather not risk infecting everything else so this will certainly assist me on that front.

The preshoot/shootout was absolutely amazing. I cannot remember when I last had so much fun!!!! I have plenty of stories and photos to share from that trip, and a few other new developments in my life in addition to the new 'puter. Guess it is time to start writing again.

And we are off - Shoot Out here we come!!!

Skippy arrived Friday. We have been to McBain Camera twice, and Vistek once. We have been to Mountain Equipment Coop and to Costco. We are pretty much set for tomorrow. Nick and Christina get here at 1 p.m. We will collect them from the airport and drive to Jasper! WooooHooooo! Two weeks immersed in photography and fellowship. I am looking forward to all aspects of this trip, except perhaps leaving the family behind for two weeks. The preshoot will be great, with the four of us and the scenery that I know to expect. The shootout is going to be great for scenery, and to see the others returning from last year.

Skippy and I also spent yesterday shooting, first at Beaverhill Lake, or the remnants thereof. Beaverhill Lake was a large migration spot but it is no more than a small slough now. We found lots of insect species, but couldn't get anywhere close to the millions of geese that we could hear.

We then travelled to Elk Island Park, did a very pleasant 2.6 km hike and had an enjoyable afternoon. Leaving the park we came across the bison herd, and were able to get many good shots of them. The number of bison in the park is really impressive now, and great to see. No other large mammals were encountered, nor were any small animals. As we hiked the second half of the trail we came across a bison pattie about every ten feet - mostly quite fresh in appearance. All of a sudden skippy turned to me with the realization that we might just come across one of these creatures face to face! Shortly after that, a family of grouse flew out of the shrubbery, making one heck of a racket.

Last weekend was spent putting new storage systems into Alex and Katie's rooms. We cut the front walls of their closets off, built Ikea wardrobes and put them into the closet space. This is a really functional idea that I've copied from my dad. The Ikea wardrobes fit into a standard closet really well, and are much more functional and store much more stuff. Alex's mess has been removed from his floor and dresser top, and both he and Katie have managed to store everything of theirs into the wardrobes, allowing them both to get rid of their dressers and cabinets.

This weekend, I've begun to put the drywall mud onto the new drywall in the office. We bought trim and D has trimmed out the kids wardrobes, and the closet and door frame in the office. These reno tasks are frustrating because overcoming the inertia is often more taxing than actually finishing the tasks. I should be able to finish the office (perhaps not paint) by the end of the week, and this will allow me to buy and set up the iMac.

Colin is still in Germany and has an offer to stay for the season with VFL-Leverkusen. He has decided that he wants to stay until end of first semester, for sure. This is a really cool experience for him.

Next week, I am off on my grand adventure - a week touring the Canadian Rockies with 3 fellow dgrinners on our way to the shootout in Glacier. Trying to get some last minute details finalized for that trip right now - like wondering if I'll need winter clothes. It absolutely poured today, then the next cloud brought hail. Most trees have not yet turned color, so that looks hopeful for our trip.